How I Went from Being a “YES” Man to Saying “NO” for Myself

For years, I was a "YES" man...

• I took on extra work – even when I was drowning.
  I agreed with people in meetings – even when I had different views.
  I accepted unrealistic deadlines – without pushing back.

• I agreed to plans – even when I was drained.

• I said what I thought others wanted to hear.
  I put others first – until I had nothing left to give.

I thought saying yes would make people like me, keep others happy, and ensure I wouldn’t let anyone down.

But guess what?

Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t please everyone.

And, it didn’t make me happy – I just became resentful, frustrated, and exhausted.

The hard truth: We’re not really protecting others from disappointment. We’re just kicking it down the line to avoid our own discomfort in the moment:

• Agreeing to an impossible deadline? You’ll have a harder conversation later when you can’t meet it.

• Saying yes to social plans when you’re already overwhelmed? You’ll either show up drained and resentful or cancel last minute.

It’s a tough pill to swallow for us people pleasers, but the reality is: we can’t please everyone all the time. To exist means we will need to disappoint others at some point. So, we have two options:

• Keep overcommitting and burning out

• Or start choosing ourselves

Saying NO is our superpower. It isn’t selfish – it’s a necessity. Especially if we want to show up for others. We can’t pour from an empty jug!

Here are a few things that helped me make this shift:

Remind yourself – Saying “yes” when you mean “no” is saying “no” to yourself.
Remember – Other people’s disappointment is not yours to own.
Buy yourself time – “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
Use stock phrases – "I have X & Y on my plate – where would you like me to prioritise my time?" or "I’d love to spend time with you, but I won’t be able to make it on this occasion."
Reframe boundaries – Pushing back isn’t rude; it’s essential. Gym, family time, self-care – these are the parts of your Jenga tower that hold everything else together.
Befriend the discomfort – As people pleasers, we often avoid the discomfort of letting others down. But that feeling lasts only about 90 seconds unless we prolong it. Feel it in your body, then move on. Keep practising this.